My Proclamation

For twenty four years I lived my life being who others desired me to be in order to fit into the realm of what is normal.  On February 2nd, 2014 -the day before my 25th birthday- I discovered not only who I was but largely who I wasn’t.  My journey toward enlightenment has not  been easy nor is it something I desire to go through again.  However, if I had to repeat those years, my one request would be to take the knowledge I have gained with me so that I may truly give life a run for its money.

On that day back in February, I was forced -by the God of my understanding- to grasp the concept that I am worth more than what I have been led to believe.  In that moment God wrapped his arms around me and I gave all the pain of the past to him.  My tears of pain became tears of joy and relief.  In that instance of release I was no longer that timid young man, who looked down for fear of being ridiculed for how he chose to express himself. No longer was I that college student who second guessed getting a higher education, or that Pan-gender Pan-sexual identified individual who told people he was Gay because it made others feel more comfortable.

Since that day, wisdom filled revelations have led me to the belief that I am a young black man of God who loves not by choice but instead by nature and nurture.  Filled with that agape love, I understand that I am a work in progress and a forever evolving family man.  Within my family I am know by many nicknames and descriptors.  I am lil brother, Cocoa, mother, father, son, uncle, DeVonte’, and the list goes on. with my favorite being: Support System.  This title stems from the multiple sub-categories of family that I am apart of.  Having 8 children of my own -not by birth- has taught me responsibility, patience, and given me a new appreciation for loving unconditionally.  Did I mention patience? Just checking.  On a more serious note, thus far life has taught me lessons and skills out the wazoo -patience being one but not the most influential. 

“…find your power. You know you’re strong…” -Lyrics from Chaka Khan’s Keep Your Head Up.

In planning to write this entry I realized that I could not simply write about who I am because I needed to first give credit to who I was.  I am a believer that a person’s past CAN influence their present and inevitably their future.  During my teenage years battling with suicide and feelings of insecurity brought me to a dark place where I thought that I would be for the rest of my life.  As God would have it failed attempts at ending my life became my motivation for pushing forward through the pain.  I got so low that all I could do was go up.  Situations such as this one are the reason why I can say that one of my greatest accomplishment to date is having made it 10 years without an attempt at committing suicide.  I am living proof that once you find that power over what tries to hold you back from your full potential, there is no where to go but up .

“Find your power. You know you’re strong.”  Within the last few months I have discovered a different type of gratitude for vulnerability.  In your lowest moments you must be willing to be vulnerable enough with yourself and be able to push -sometimes kick- forward through the hard times.  On that day back in February, I was forced -by the God of my understanding- to grasp the concept that I am worth more than what I have been led to believe.  Today, I am proud to say that, “I’ll never be perfect, but at at least now I am brave.” (lyrics from Alicia Key’s song entitled Brand New Me).  Brave enough to grind through the bad and the good times all the while allowing myself to learn more about who I am destined to be.

Who am I?  A lover of me.

Thanks for stopping by RAMBILITIES!

“This is a true confession of a life-learned lesson I was sent here to share with ya’ll.” -India Arie

What did you THINK OR FEEL while viewing this post?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s