No More

20160602_221154.jpgI’m shaking or is it that I’m shaken.
Emotions overflowing.
Mind is racing with thoughts of this, that him, her, them.
I want to believe that 2014 isn’t on repeat
That this feeling of pain
No not PAIN bcuz those poems have been written, signed, and sealed
Sent certified mail to the those who thought I was built to break.

Yeh yeh this isn’t pain.
This is…alas I know not a name for it.
Cannot quite place where it began
Confused as to where it is headed.
Wanna cry but the tears won’t form.
Need to escape but where imma go is the question.

Excuses consuming my lips.
Second guesses flooding my heart.
Anxiety attacking my mind.
Reality is I’m frighten of the unknown.
But I no longer want to be.

No longer am I going to be.
Living in a dream world full of
Contentment, maybe tomorrows, and regret.
It’s time for me to stop chasing my dreams.
Today’s the day that I follow my passions.

Clover Mathews once said,
“FEAR FUELS PASSION.”
Fear doesn’t live here anymore
I’ve sent the eviction papers by carrier service
But no signature is need because I want no remembrance of what consumed my last 27.
I desire to have no recollection of the things that
HELD ME BACK
KEPT ME TRAPPED
AND HAD ME BELIEVING THAT I WASN’T WORTHY.

In this moment
I proclaim that the past is just that.
That my present is where work needs to be done.
That the verbal promises regarding my future are as good as the paper they are written on.

In this moment I speak
Healing undeniable.
Strength unmeasurable.
And SELF LOVE UNTOUCHABLE.
For today is the first day of the best days of love.

Selah.Ashe

Written by: Christiawn Emmanuel © February 21, 2016

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